Tribute speech revision | English homework help

This speech needs some improvement and my professor has given some suggestions 

 

Introduction (3/5 points):

A. Remember that your speech begins with your attention-getting device; you don’t want to start by announcing your topic.  Can you revise your attention-getting device so it makes the audience curious about your topic?  Perhaps you can start with a quotation, or a series of questions.

B.  Simplify your Central Idea (thesis + main points) to clearly reflect the characteristics you will cover in the body of your speech.  For example:  David Attenborough should be admired for his long body of work, his dedication, and his bravery.

Body (3/5 points):

A.  Use full connectives between main points that review your current point and then preview the next.  For example: Not only has Attenborough enjoyed a long career, but he has dedicated his life to protecting our planet.

B.  Include oral citations throughout your outline to remind you to credit your sources.  Complete citations include the author’s name and credentials, the source name and date it was published. (See pp. 153-155 of your text.)

C. You may not have enough supporting material for a 5-7 minute speech.  Time your rehearsals and be prepared to make adjustments.

Conclusion (4/5 points):

A.  Revise the restatement of your Central Idea as noted in the introduction feedback.

B.  Include in your Call for Action something specific for the audience to do to learn more about your topic: read a biography, watch a documentary, visit a website, etc.

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